love is a cigarette in gasoline hands

I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she was gonna meet her connection
At her feet was a footloose man

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need


And I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singing, "We're gonna vent our frustration
If we don't we're gonna blow a 50-amp fuse"
Sing it to me now...

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need

I went down to the Chelsea drugstore
To get your prescription filled
I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy
And man, did he look pretty ill
We decided that we would have a soda
My favorite flavor, cherry red
I sung my song to Mr. Jimmy
Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was "dead"
I said to him

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need


You get what you need

I saw her today at the reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
She was practiced at the art of deception
Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find...



You get what you need.


i used to hate this song. hate it. i never understood why i couldn't have what i wanted, why i always had to settle for second choices, somebody else's leftovers,

that all changed this afternoon.

at some time around 3pm, i hit my breaking point. i was unbearably tired, i'd gotten a grand total of zero recognition for busting my ass on my exhibition and themusician was once again oblivious to my presence. i'd been pulling crazy hours trying to make life, work and school fit into a 24 hour day, sacrificing sleep for something, anything that could make me feel like the fire burning inside of me was still alive. then, four words, four petty, tiny, meaningless words, broke me. "lord of my world" leapt out from the screen and my brain was assaulted with a bombardment of images of his face in the throws of ecstasy, pounding his chest like tarzan while he came on a faceless girl's stomach.



fuck.

i hate him.

i hate being so goddamned sensitive to his moods, his actions or lack thereof. i hate feeling like he's the be all and end all of everything, when he's obviously not in the position to pony up and give something back. but most of all, i hate how one sly word, one small comment, one sign of recognition from him and i'm right back to where i started.

fuck. fuck. fuck.

how literate of me.

i left the office grumbling, the salacious images still running in my head, ruining whatever was left of my earlier good mood. i was contemplating how awesome it was going to be to crawl into my bed and not have to have my daily domestic dispute with my alarm clock tomorrow morning, when i ran into alex.

alex and i have worked together for the past two and a half years and while we've seen our shares of ups and downs (unconsummated love affairs tend to bring about some drama in a friendship), we'd been really good since the fall. he'd been privy to the marked degradation in my mood in the office and hadn't said much, but this time, i knew that it was going to be different. as he approached me, he put his arms out, so i gave him our standard high five. but instead of letting me go, he wrapped me up in his arms and held me for awhile. i felt him loosen his grip, so i looked up and he was gazing back down at me. i gave him a moment, and he finally blurted out the words that i'd been waiting to hear, but didn't know that i needed:

"brie, you're going to be happy. i promise."